Let's cut right to the chase here. I can't promise you the crucial bits of being in a committed relationship: undying love and all that's not impossible to fade. What I can promise, though--one I'm sure to keep whether or not crappy prophecies of the world's end come true (May 21, 2011 my fat cheeks)--are the following:
1. I will never, ever stroll with you in public and make you wear my purse on your shoulder. Not even as punishment for failing to remember whatever couple-y occasion we need to blow our bank accounts on.
2. I promise never to judge your masculinity based on your willingness to sport the girliest bag ever-so-cautiously as if it were your own. Wearing a pink floral shirt falls under the category "things you do because you couldn't be more secure about your sexuality;" wearing a purse even my most effeminate gay friends wouldn't dare to hang on their shoulder with pride just doesn't. Heck, even David Beckham couldn't ever pull the latter off.
3. I will never go out of the house flirting with the chance that you're going to have to carry my bag. (Except when I'm off to the airport, don't have mercy.) It's my bag, so why the hell should I make you wear it? I mean, aren't bags supposed to be part of women's fashion?
4. In the rarest, cuckoo-est event that I'm held at gunpoint to inflict such cruelty on you, I promise that I will never hold it against you should you decide to flip the bird and walk away. If anything, run for your life, man. Run.
That being said, see you whenever.
*Inspired by true events; malls being an everyday witness.
No comments:
Post a Comment